And I know this is going to sound super cheesy... but I've learned more than I thought imaginable about way more than just what I was taught in my classes.
The last month of the spring semester was one of the most influential months of the year. Actually, it's not even a stretch to say it was one of the most influential months of my whole life.
A friend of mine died unexpectedly in her dorm room at school. I remember the night I found out so perfectly. My grandma had just gotten out of the nursing home and it was her first night in her very own apartment. My mom was incredibly nervous about it so I came home for the night incase she wanted to go stay the night there, I don't know how I would have gotten through the night if I hadn't been at home. Around 2:30 in the morning I texted my friend out of the blue about a conversation I had with a boy, she responded so quickly but it wasn't with nearly what I was expecting. The only thing she said was "Kaitlyn died tonight". Seeing as how it was a Saturday night, I instantly thought she was joking about something stupid. I joked back but when she called me I realized that she was not kidding and that this was very real.
It was something that was natural. Something completely unexpected. Something that no one could have seen coming. My heart hurt, it still hurts and I imagine it will hurt for a long time. I'm not sure I've fully grasped that she's not here anymore, even after being at her funeral and seeing her laying in her coffin at only 19 years old. It's still something that can't possibly have actually happened. Not to Kaitlyn, not to my friend.
It's impacted my life more than anything else that could have possibly happened this year. My views on things have changed in ways I couldn't be more grateful for now. We've all heard things like "life is a gift", "it's a privilege", "it can be taken from you at any minute". Until now, I always thought oh please, that's not going to happen to me that's just something people say to make you do something. But it's true. Oh it is so very true.
At the time of all this, I had been upset about a guy. We had recently broken up and it was hard for me to accept the fact that we weren't going to be able to continue being friends anymore. It was the main thing I would think about. There were also weird vibes going on with my roommate since she was never there much. Even though these seem like small problems, I was starting to feel so lost and so lonely. To put it in the terms I used back in middle school, I was definitely in a "funk".
Kaitlyn pulled me out of that funk. It was then that I realized life truly is precious, no matter how cheesy that is. You never know when it could end. If something isn't going the way you want it to then it just simplify isn't not meant to be. You need to be happy, to that that you need to do what makes you happy and be with the people who make you happy. If someone isn't doing that for you then you have to get over them. There's no need to hang onto people who don't want to hang onto you back. It's a harsh reality that I wish I would have learned earlier and in a much different way.
I hate that I wasn't as close with Kaitlyn as I once was, I wish I could say that it was different than that. I know, now, how important it is to keep in touch with the ones you love. Especially in college where it's so easy to toss aside the friends you were once close to in order to make room for all the new ones that you meet.
This very clearly isn't your typical "What I Learned in College" post, you can find those all over. This one is very near and dear to my heart, it's something I felt more people should know.
And honestly, I just wanted to write it for myself.
I love you, Kaitlyn.
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